While parenting is an arduous journey, especially in these modern times, even the path to motherhood is a journey laden with trepidation and dread. This is just what I am experiencing these days. I have strong faith that we shall surmount this time yet sometimes the prognosis takes a toll on me and scares the living daylights out of me. Thank god another day breaks and dispels the spell of doom. But the worst part about my confinement is elemental that there is nothing else to do; things which kept me occupied earlier so there is nothing to do or think except the systolic blood pressure reading and progress inside. The most irritating part is the sonographers give me a blue chit, saying the BP should be kept stable but the gynaecologist seems not so upbeat.

Whoever said being mommy was easy was highly mistaken!! Ask me but I shall gladly buy the argument that it is worth the pain, turmoil, anxiety as this is the most life-enriching experience though quite handful too as time progresses with the baby!!

This is my twelfth day since being holed up in this white room in the hospital. I am supposedly suffering from PIH (Pregnancy Induced Hypertension) where my blood pressure tends to be on the higher side and which is not good for the foetus as it curtails blood supply between the mother and the baby. The private clinic I was visiting earlier kind of washed its hands on me when my systolic BP started showing a reading of 100 saying that I needed intensive care, even hospitalization so referring me to the government medical college. So here I am now under vigilant observation of doctors being administered to a variety of tests, which thankfully have come allright.  I must confess I feel much safer here as I am under surveillance round the clock. I have this private spacious room with split AC and the quiet alongwith with Salman Rushdie’s Midnight’s Children, newspapers and my own thoughts for company. I have realized that I have no addictions as I don’t miss anything of the outside world since I can concoct the smells and sounds in my own mind. For me priority is the safety of what is growing inside me as well as my own. Rest of the things can wait..

The worse part is I really don’t know how long I am going to be here though this has become as good as my room at home.  But I am in no hurry for a hospital discharge rather spend my time safely confined here.