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June 30 Lost in depthsIt is a mental state difficult to define, I am dazed, feeling lost, at a loss of words, strange as if finding my way out of dark, deep wilderness, wading through deep murky waters, silences engulfing and feeling of quietus approaching. My dreams too take up on flights of fancy, surreal, nightmarish as if uprooted from reality of life. I am expecting magic to happen and it never does for anyone, why me then? The dreams you begin your life with hardly ever see light of day, yet we keep spinning hopes and giving ourselves succor to live on. Life is like an enchantress, you just can not give up on it, so irresistible it's charms are! People have broken hearts, failed marriages, unrequitted love, unsuccessful careers, low self-esteem but they keep walking on and on, regardless of the exhaustion and sapped energy. The seductress that life is!
But I have nothing lacking, yet sometimes you just feel the tinkling in the soles of your feet and slithering in your heart and body, as if blood has stopped flowing and your head needs a rush of it to survive, and that suffocation completely makes you desperate for a cry, an exhale, and your body needs an exhaustion to drown it in adrenaline shower. I know why I m so irritated, I will be fine when I get over this rush hour phase of things. I have to realize that things take time to happen and I must not get so overly concerned. Let it cool down! I guess I need to drink more water, funnily speaking!
June 15 Tryst with a dayThe morning greets as if it is a new day
the beginning as an ending a renewal as an ablution as I inhale the after rain effect the wind blows my hair the summer subdued the moist freshness lingers yet. The steps walk ahead
as mind looks miles behind the heart forlorn in concoction whether life is being lived the question looms large yet again forever sucking me into a vortex Is life being lived the way it was intended to be? whether love is sufficient, smiles carry the burden of unshed tears, each step forward towards the end and if reality is a foreplay for fantasy imagined, brief and surreal. Have I walked so many years
where is the fatigue, sores and the callouses the mirror gleans through the insides rips apart the fears that flow like channels of blood in the branches of my body the fears that I deny myself and to others that reside and feast upon my bravado the skin still translucent, eyes mirthful and kind bare desires still trapped in shrouds of soul as the raptured crevices moan for sutures. The expressions have aged
and the look vintage the holds of life chained loosely the noose of desires suffocate if once I stopped and let the floodgates open the rivers will flood me carry me with the torment of deep current and the choice to swim ashore or sink face down the tremor chills the spine Another lonely day on the verge of climax
as the skies turn ashen clouds gray but with promise of rain somewhere far never here but somewhere else as the winds holler among the trees the skies incandescent with brief streaks of lightening life pulsates in these brief moments as the mental shutterbugs capture and rewind flash zoomed the fabric I wear and sheath myself with heart that shines through my eyes spark that still explodes through the crisscross of the blue veins
that render a body life and rejuvenation The stream of thoughts lays me asunder
but there is love to revive me back as there is that crazy attrition that gives meaning to the sublime the mirage be left unchased for now the apparitions closed as the day ends on a high of thoughts, loneliness, and now company, truant battle, joys of making up amid the choking tears held at bay the day long and a satin lacquered finish of vodka, arms entwined walk, happy conversation, warm embraces, deep stolen kisses under the skies amid the trees and touches final insides.
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